Shitty drafts: Writer’s Overload

When cavemen wrote on walls, do you think that they ever said to themselves “fuck that’s not right” and tried to scratch it out or just switched walls, or was it another medium before the wall. Did they use dirt, mud or animal parts? Did they just have a frat-boy last minute essay night and looked at it, seen it made no sense, said “fuck it” and rolled with it?

If it was anything other than the latter, they are geniuses. I say that because I am banging my head against the wall, only to fight the urge of throw my laptop out the damn window, which would be meaningless. besides, I just fixed my screen; totally unrelated incident. The messed up part is that it’s not because I’m having “writer’s block” its because I am indecisive in my writing and that very nature is causing me to look for perfection in a imperfect process. Drafts are meant to give the writer a chance to remove the mental clutter and self correct. Well that’s what my old English Comp instructor told my back, as I furiously repeated the process of balling up paper and throwing them at the trash can.

So, recalling on that bit of information from Mr. Quirk, I am stepping away from the laptop that I’m sure is resentful or depressed from the litany of curses and swears aimed at it. I hope it understands that the anger was misplaced. I am instead going to comeback and write everything that comes to my mind. Let’s see how a confusing draft with six endings workout. Well in a world with Micheal Bay and M Night Shyamalan all is possible. Whatever I write I am going to stick with until my next draft. There’s the challenge. I’ll let you know how it works out.

Beginning: “Putting myself out there and leaving a legacy”

I am Antonio Smith. I have been writing for most of my life. I have a large box full of notepads with mostly written stories to attest to that. Other than my artwork, it had been a talent that I’ve kept hidden from others. I don’t know whether it was fear of being rejected and coming to a realization that I am not as good as me, my wife and closest friends believe me to be, or on the flip side, I am actually good and can go somewhere with it. It may as well be a combination of both. However, those are minor apprehensions. I won’t let it stop me from creating something real and cool for an audience that I know will appreciate and anticipate it.

I believe that everyone has something. By that I mean some kind of talent, insight or maybe you’re just a hard worker. Whatever the case may be, there are too much regret in this world. I see it everyday at work in long term care. It’s soul sucking to see an 80yo man constantly ask for the woman he never married or talk about how he only worked his entire life, never traveled like he wanted. So whats my goal with this blog? Sure, it would be awesome to monetize my abilities and to get paid doing this 24/7, but I want to leave a legacy. Something that my great great great great grandchildren can look back at and say “wow”. That should be a goal of everyone. I believe that if we were more concerned on the mark we left that people would lead better lives, not wanting to be remembered for living a shitty, mediocre life, and that’s fine if that is where you find your happiness, but not for me. I lived that way for a long time and now that I am 30 years old ,and have worked my ass off to be a semi-functional adult, I am fucking going to live out my dreams and accomplish some great shit. Along the way I hope to inspire some people to do that same.

So,Through this blog and hopefully other avenues in the future, I will take on my journey to publishing success. Please comment or email me your stories too. It doesn’t matter if you are successful or striving to be. I want to hear your story and maybe talk about it. I can always learn something new. Stay tuned.. I will be posting often. My goal is everyday, but if not, at least 4 to 5 times a week.